Saturday, April 06, 2002

friday night and i just got back from the movies with some friends. saw blade 2. ok movie, good action and all but over did it with the gore. still cant figure out how someone can get thrown around and punched in the face numerous times and still have his sunglasses on his eyes and not on the floor. anyways thats pretty much all i did today. today wasnt all that great. i still dont know what to do with myself. all this talk about prom and stuff is irritating me. i can only be asked if im going so many times, i can only be told that i have to go so many times, and i can only say why im not going so many times. the person i want to go with isnt going to be going with me yet she tells me i have to go and wonders why i dont want to. i dont know i want to stop it already because i know shes not gonna feel the way i do for her yet no matter how far i progress i always end up falling for her all over again even by spending an hour with her. i cant believe i feel this way about someone. i always say i would never let a girl make me feel this way yet here i am. i hate it if i had 1 wish i would wish for her to love me in return...but then again i dont want it unless that is what she truly feels. bye

Thursday, April 04, 2002

hey this is my first real blog never done this before and dunno what to type im kinda playing this game right now on Yahoo! its called literati some scrabble wannabe i suck at it but my friend kristen is krazy in it haha she kicks my ass. so today was another boring school day nothing new. something funny hit me today. the girl im totally krazy about isnt krazy about me. i know this for a fact. everyday, every night, and every morning i tell myself that my feelings are gone and i believe it. every minute i tell myself that all i feel for her is friendship and i believe it. the truth remains that that is the way i feel. i have returned to normal not sulking each second of my life knowing i cannot be with her. the funny part is that today i spent 1 hour with her and all the feelings i have tried to hide, all the feelings i have tried to forget, all the this time i have spent pretending i was fine disappeared and i felt what i cannot explain. why?